Tuesday, January 4, 2011

y are they just listening.!!!????

huh! how could we know for sure whether someone truly understand us or just feeling sympathy because what we told them was sympathetic? for all this time, i've been talking to people that i thought i could trust , people that i thought could somehow understand me and support me on whatever decision i made but then i realize. if i were just talking and them listening, how could i be so sure that they even care. maybe they listen because they want to hear you in misery, depress and all that stuff. maybe that they were hoping that you talked to them so that they could spread it to evryone else about how deep shit you are in rite now. i once had a perfect world that i knew , it wouldn't go away but i did. then i realized that life is too short and too huge to have only 1 perfect world. i know that i can relieve that moment again but this time with the right person, at the right time and place. that is my dream. to be living in my own perfect world where evrything and everybody else is just my subconscious. THAT IS MY D.R.E.A.M.

its never easy for me to share this with people , koz people might take it as some silly milly imagination just because they believe that there can never be a PERFECT world. nothing is perfect as they say. not to me. no sir. to me, my dream is out there somewhere, just sitting there waiting for me, and only me to grasp it. and once i get it, BAAAAM! nothing else matter. when i was young, the adults always asked me what is my ambition when i grow up and i always say,

"a pilot. i wana be a pilot"

and the adults would say

"owh my lord a pilot? what a great ambition you have dear, hold on to it. never let go. if that is your dream then go for it"

i did hold to that ambition. i hold to that ambition so strong that it became my dream. and once i grew up, it shattered . because people no longer say what they say to you when you were young, instead, they rather

"owhmyzara~! a pilot? but u r so small! a pilot should be tall and handsome. how on earth you could be a pilot eh?"

heh! when you grew up, people no longer put high hope for you to fulfill your dreams, they more likely be happy to see you cleaning the sewer then having a dream. i once said to myself that i dont want to have any dreams or ambitions in my life so that if it doesn't come true, i wouldn't be so sad. but i was gratefully wrong. not having a dream or ambition is like not knowing why are you here in the first place. its like driving without a steering wheel, you just hit the gas and let it takes you anywhere. better die a thousand death then not having a single dream in life.

after a while i realize that having and holding a dream is easy but realizing it , now that's the tough part. its a race. people will do whatever it takes so that your dream could not be fulfill. and it is up to you to stand up and face them and say


i know, that i will never achieve my dream if i become the passenger. its time for me to become the driver of my own life. i decide when to make a turn, i decide when to hit the break and i decide when to hit the gas. 

i had enough , if what i am doing right now is not realizing my dream then i must stop. if i cannot stop the so be it. i will finish this journey to the very end but not with my heart in it. because my heart is awaiting for me out there with my dream. 

Shakespeare once said that this world is a stage of play and we all are the actor . he is right, damn right. its time for me to ACT!


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