diA

ok just to show how much i like n love "dia", this is what i meant when i say that i wrote 3000++ word essay about it,
btw, i've edited it for privacy sake n "dia" has been change to "6" just as a clue of who i am talking about. if you know who. please , do tell me. i wanna know. hahaha

 HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU ! SORRY~

I have a friend whos name is 6 and I have a gigantic crush on 6. I met 6 online through myspace and we’ve been chatting for almost a year and finally I met 6 . So I was so excited to met 6, I dressed as best as I can.  I know 6 is cute but man, 6 is way cuter in person. 6 is just as tall as I m and 6 childish character really reflects who I am and that kind of character is what makes me fall in love to 6 . We spend the night together walking around KL and that is the best night I’ve ever had. We talked about each other’s background. That night will be forever last in my memory. Ever since I met 6, I somehow can’t get 6 out of my mind, I kept thinking about 6. Could it be that I’m in love with 6? But 6 has a partner and I don’t want to disturb that, but 6 is so nice to me and so cute. 6 always acted cute in front of me. God I miss 6 so much!!. After knowing that I’m going to be continuing my study before 6 does, I tried to spend as much time with 6, and I never felt much better doing it. I take 6 to watch late night movies, fine dining, shopping. I really think I’m in love with 6. But I know I can’t, so I keep our relationship as very very close friends and I think 6 got that. The feelings that I had whenever I met 6 is just mind blowing. I felt like there are fireworks exploding inside of me, like the 4^th of July party was inside me nonstop. It’s not only when we met, but in fact whenever we text each other or call each other, I felt soooooo excited and happy and happy. So happy that I can’t even sleep thinking about what we just talk about. I know I love 6, and I really want to express that word to him. “I love you 6”. If only I have the guts to do that and the perfect place and time to do that, I will do it. And I know, 1 day I will say it to 6 that I love 6. I will express to 6 about how 6 makes me feel and thank 6 about that. I never been so happy when Im around 6 and I seriously can’t stop thinking about 6. I miss 6 so much. Even though we just finish call each other, but I feel like I want to call 6 back and just keep talking and just forget about the world. I feel like I want to take 6 out, have the most perfect romantic dinner with 6, buy 6 presents and gifts, shopping with 6 and talk to 6 just about anything. Even when I’m with my brother, I never felt like this. 6, there will come a time where I will express to you about everything I felt about you and how you make me feel. I love you and nothing else matters. Every word that 6 said or anything that 6 did, make me feels something. Especially when 6 did or said something funny or cute, OMG I just can’t help it from being so in love with 6. =)

           

            It’s Wednesday, and I miss 6 already although 6 just called me 2 days ago. I don’t know why this is happening to me. But I really want to have a relationship with 6. A serious relationship. I want to be able to call 6 every day, text 6 every hour, say I love you to 6 every morning. But 6 did once tell me that 6 didn’t really like to contact somebody too often because it might make 6 feel no longer miss that someone. I understand bout that so that’s why I’m willing to do anything for 6 whenever we met. I love 6 and I want to show it to 6. I wanna take 6 for dinner that day but with my friends present, I don’t think so. I am sorry 6. I love you 6. You are only person in this world that I can be myself with. With you, I feel free, I feel like I’m me and I like that feelings 6. I just wish that I can be with you forever so that I can have that kind of feelings with me alive. You see 6, that kind of freeness inside of me become alive whenever I’m with you. You are the only reason why I’m still alive 6. 6, as much as these feelings keep me alive, it’s also killing me slowly hun, I don’t know how much longer I can hold this thought to myself. I really want to express it all out to you baby it’s just that I know u will get hurt if you know about it and I don’t want that. I want t o see you as happy as you are. I love you 6 and I can’t stop saying that. If only I could tell it to every human being about it, I will. I love you 6, I love you so much more than anything in my entire life seriously. I am willing to give up anything for you 6. 6, I am really sorry for what I’ve done. I know by having this feelings towards you makes you kinda want to avoid me, I understand that because I’ve been there before. But I just can’t help it babe I want to call you sayang, boo, bby =). 6, I have a crush on you and I want you to know but I know I can’t let you know. That’s why I express everything in here. I hope by expressing it, would ease my feelings towards you. But you know what, it’s actually make it worse. I miss you like crazy baby. I need you, I want to hold your hands, I want to hug you and never let you go. You have become my purpose to live 6. I don’t care what they gonna say or what they gonna do 6, but I’m gonna be with you. You are everything to me 6, you bring me joy and happiness and you are the only one who can do that.

 

            6, your cuteness, your childishness, your uniqueness and your everything is acting like a magnet to me. It keeps on pulling my north towards you sayang and I can’t overcome this force of nature. 6, as much as I love you, I also hate you. I hate you because you make me feel im guilty of loving you. I want to love you 6 but u know I can’t, that’s why I hate you so much 6. I’m so sorry 6. To tell you the truth 6, I am willing to give up just about anything to stop loving you but im also willing to give up my life for you 6. That is how much I love you 6. It’s 2.40am right now and I can’t sleep thinking about you. I’m thinking about how to tell you that I love you more than ever. I am sleepy but I just don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to sleep because im afraid the feelings that im having tonight will go away tomorrow morning. I don’t want it to go away 6, I want to feel like this as long as I live. I want this feeling to stay alive inside of me so that I could live my life as a very happy person. do you remember 6, I once told you that at college I had to acted as a good person and not myself and I told you that it’s kinda torturing, well, I don’t want to feel like that anymore 6. Thinking about you makes me happy, just by thinking about you. When you call me or texted me, I was even more than happy, I became excited. U excites me 6. Like I said before, I’m alive because of you. 6, before I met you in person, I was nobody. My relationship with you leong was never good. But once I’ve met you, everything change, I started to have some sort of energy or aura that give me the enthusiasm to live and to enjoy life as it is.

            6, its already 3.30am and I’m still writing this, i am not trying to make you feel uncomfortable or disturb by this but I just want to tell you how I felt n how you make me feel. If I could asked for anything from god, I would ask him to fasten the time to the point we meet in the future, I really want to meet you again 6. Hang out as we did before. And I also want to ask god to stop the time from running as we both having the moment of our life together. I want us to have a jolly good time together without the interference of anything or anyone anyhow. 6, If only I could turn back time, I will return to the night we first met. It was amazing that time. Even though we kinda shy toward each other, but I had a blast!! It was a night to remember. Every moment I spend time with you is a priceless memory that I’ll forever treasure. Did you know 6 that every morning when I wakes up, the first thing I do is that I look at my cell phones and hoping that somewhere during the night you would text me. I miss you so much 6, I’m willing stay awake the whole night just thinking about you 6. I love you so much!!

            I’m on a bus on route to KL right now, I hope that I could meet you tomorrow. I miss you so much 6, always and forever. I never had a friend like you and never will I have another one if you leave me. U are unique 6. You have your own way of living your life and I like people who have that sort of principle. I want to be friends with you forever 6.

            Hype 6, it has been a while since the last time I wrote the last paragraph, it’s not because I don’t miss you , but it’s actually I’m trying to control my emotion towards you. But I can’t. I’m writing this because I want to express it to you but I can’t. I’m afraid that the friendship that we are having now will go to waste just like that. I don’t want to ruin anything that is going on between us. I know that you may think that I am stalking you or something, but trust me, I am not stalking you. If I am stalking you, I’ll be giving you 100 miscall or 100 text messages. I am not stalking you 6. 6, since You Leong stop contacting me, my life is totally empty. I really thought that there is nothing in life for me anymore, in fact I actually thought about killing myself. But then I remember my friends, I remember you, especially you. The thought of you , save my life. 6, I might sounded like a maniac obsess person or something but please understand that I am not. This is who I am, I am a person that needs someone to talk to, I need someone that I can share everything about my life. When I was with you leong , he always share with me what he had been through for the week and I will tell him mine. It might sound crazy but that is how much we loved each other. But again, if you realize I wrote it all in past tenses. It is all gone now. I don’t have anyone to talk to, at all. I can’t wait to meet you 6. But I still can’t decide whether to explain to you about this or to just print this out and give it to you for you to read.

I give anything just to have one more night with you 6, in fact, I’ll give my all for your love. You make everything seems to be so easy 6. I don’t know if u ever try to please me but u know what, somehow, u always do. It’s the way you make me feel 6. It’s the only feelings that I can’t express it in any words or language. I’ve made wrong turn once or twice before but I know this is not one of that bad decision. Knowing you is the best thing that have ever happen to me. To me, you are perfect in every way 6. 6 I am so fall in love with you. You light up heart that was once as dark as the deepest hell. You give me the will to carry on and every time I feel down or gloomy, I just think of you and all of my misery will just be gone just like that. I need you 6, I love you 6. 6, I just texted you saying that I missed you, and I don’t know how exactly you felt about it because your reply text seem like you was surprise that I say something like that to you. But yet again, I don’t know. I just assuming. But the way you text with me although it’s just a couple of messages but you seems kinda change, but again I don’t know the truth and I just assuming, and I’m sorry if I assumed wrong. It’s just that I misses you 6, so much that I could give you anything that u ask of me. Even if you want me to stop contacting you, as long as It’s makes you happy, I will back down. I know that I don’t know you like how your friends do but somehow, your openness attract me and I feel relax and myself when I’m with you. I don’t want to see you sad or down or having a negative feelings, because you are a happy person I can see that and being happy makes others around you happy. 6 , you are like a light that never dies and always there to brighten up anyone that is feeling down or filled with darkness. I like you 6, just the way you are.

Love songs have been my constant companion since the day I met you. Listening to it makes me smile and filled with joy, I feel like I wanna jump, feel like im flying like those birds migrating from country to country, soaring above the sky. I know this feeling is crazy 6 and I am really sorry for this. If I have the power to make it go away, trust me I will do it immediately. I don’t want your life to suffer 6. I want to see you happy, always.

Ok seems that I was wrong, I just chat with you through facebook and how happy I am to know that you are still yourself although with a bit of secrecy but everybody has it right? Hahaha. Anyway, even though it was a short chat, I found myself fill with happiness. I hope you to. Chatting with you just makes me feel anxious to meet you babe. I seriously can’t wait.

6. I like your name, it’s simple yet cute and also easy to remember. Just like you. Cute, simple person, and are truly memorable. Babe! I can’t help it, if only I know you just a bit more , then probably I won’t be writing this all. Did you know that ever since we’ve met, I can’t stop thinking about you and every time I think of you I smiled, sometimes I even laugh by myself. I don’t even care what other people want to say, im happy when im with you, that’s what important. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Both inside and out. I do sometimes felt like you hate me or thinking that I’m so disturbing, so I apologize for that if I’ve ever made you feel like that. All I wanted to do is to be close to you, that’s all. I wanna be with you 6 if only for a night, to be the one who’s in your arm. I don’t know how long I can hold this feeling anymore.